Anon 1:

Anon 1:

Susan,
I don't have a background in theatre, however I have been an extra on Bold and the Beautiful, Home and Away, and Days of Our Lives. Once, I had to wear a pig costume to a fancy dress party because my partner had a thing for pigs. I'm not fat; I could fit into your owl costume. I am 170cm and 55kg.
Please let me know what I can do to secure this job. I need the money at the moment. Plus I don't like living at home, so night work is best.
Also, would I get to meet the rest of your staff? I like work to be social :)

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Reply:

Hi there,

Susan here, (or Susie, Susanna, Sue but never Suze).

Please describe for me your pig costume. Do you still have it?

Anon 1:

Hi Boozie Soozie (I assume that's OK? - if it is, perhaps you should eliminate alcohol as this can effect the quality of your sleep)
My pig costume was an original Piglet costume from Broadway's 2000 Winnie the Pooh. I found it on eBay and resold it there for twice the price.
When are you holding interviews?

Reply:

Hello again,

I really don't think that alcohol is my problem. I don't often drink and when I do it's hardly in excess. I did for a while drink a lot of dishwashing liquid because I read that it could clear out excess waste that had stuck to your insides and thus have you shed a few kilos; as it happens all it does is make your pee turn a funny colour. I hope you're not alarmed by that. If it soothes you I use the environmentally friendly liquid with the big 'save the earth' sticker on the front - are you familiar?
I could leave a bottle out for you during the night if you became thirsty. Would you like that?

Interviews will be over the next few days. I've had quite a few respondents.

Anon 1:

Hi Colonoozie Soozie,

I am a little alarmed, yes. Why do I get the feeling that you haven't told a doctor about your previous dangerous weightloss methods?

Anyway, it's none of my business. But while there's a beverage offer on the table in addition to the muesli bar, I'd like to request soy milk. I'd like that :) I only drink one particular kind, but we can discuss that in the interview.

Reply:

Hello again,

I do not need to tell a doctor about such practice as I do not trust people easily. I really do appreciate your concern, though.

I will consider your soy milk but I can only offer coles lite soy. It's $1 a litre and I find it difficult to go past a bargain. If you are however, of the vegan persuasion, i'm going to have to decline your application as i'm rather homophobic.


Susan.

Ps. My name is Susan.