Chris

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Chris sent,

Hi Susan

I'm interested in taking up this offer, I've been waiting a long time for something like this to come up, I also have an owl costume already.

Would love to hear back from you.

Regards
Chris

Reply:

Hi Chris,

Can I ask what colour your costume is and whether or not you'd be able to fit into one that was made for a female of 175 cm, 55 kilos?

Susan.

 Chris sent:

Hi Susan, 

The costume is white & black, I've worn it to a couple of parties I went to alone, I love dressing up as an owl! 

Here is a pic of me in the costume 

I won't be able to fit into the costume made for a female of 55kg, I'm actually 190cm and 98kg.

Do you have a picture of yourself? I will also send mine in return.

Reply:

Hi Chris,

I’m so glad that you too have an affinity with fat birds. I don’t know if you realize this but you have also stumbled upon a very shared trait between us; for I too have attended two parties, alone. The first party was the marriage of my mother to my father when I was twenty-five. I attended the ceremony unaccompanied due to the rest of my family believing that I eloped to the outer regions of Quebec in 2002. I had to sit at the back in a costume very much like the one you have sent me. Nobody spoke to me all night. It was very successful.

The second party I attended was two weeks ago when Jodie from my office asked me to accompany her to the photocopying room. It just so happens that we walked through a birthday party for somebody who works on the 7^th floor. I can classify this as solo attendance because as soon as I began introducing myself as Susan from level 9, Jodie had disappeared. I think she must have been very anxious to get that photocopying done. I saw her later and she didn’t seem to want to talk about it. I think she was upset that she didn’t stay. I did bring her a piece of cake though.

Anyway, Chris, you’ve been very kind to listen thus far so of course I will send you a photo in return. I hope you enjoy it.

Susan.


Chris sent,

Hi Susan,

Thank you for the picture, but I am disappointed that you are trying to trick me by sending me a fake.

I've spent the last 8 hours analyzing it with my father who is a black belt in Photoshop, we have come to the conclusion you have cut the head off my previous picture and pasted it on another you found on the internet, it was a good effort and very hard to pick but you can't fool me Susan, you are one cheeky kunt mate.

Now I'll give you one last chance to make this friendship happen, I don't want to be disappointed as I have been so many times previous to this, judging by your response you were genuine but perhaps a bit shy to send your photo, I understand as I'm pretty socially awkward and barely go outside. I also have a sister with an eating disorder I have to constantly feed, that's another story I can save for another time, but please Susan you are my only hope on my road to happiness. My owl costume is clean and ready to watch over you. 

Regards

Chris